This morning, I looked out our bathroom window and saw that our small goat herd is wandering amongst the Trees of Heaven at the back of the pasture. They’re grazing there, so I assume there is some mineral exuded by these trees that they need. Plus, they collared all our other trees of heaven at the front of the pasture when we first moved them here. Sometimes, goat-raising is a practice of pondering the mystery.
Parenting, I am finding, is much the same. Does that cry mean he’s hungry, he’s tired, he’s bored? Or is he just shouting because he can? (This seems to be a particular favorite these days.)
The researcher in me wants to hunt down answers – and my smartphone feeds this tendency is some not-always healthy ways. But the writer in me, the journeying woman, the person who has learned that much of the hard days of her life have not yet brought reasons – that woman wants to settle into the mystery and let it abide around me.
There’s a bitterness that gathers on my tongue when I try too hard to know, when I push to understand things that are beyond me. I’m learning to savor the sweetness of beauty in simple observation, in watching the wanderings of goats and the vocalizations of babies and doing what I must do to care for them but not more.
I listened to Elizabeth Gilbert’s TED Interview this week, and I’m still letting her words slide into the cracks of myself. Here is what her words reminded me about who I am and who I want to be – I want to be the person who leans close into everything – even the hard, brutal things. I want to ask questions without expecting answers. I want to trust the journey is carrying me where I need to go. I don’t want to avoid anything. I want to embrace it all . . . and trust the outcome to One who holds it all.
May mystery revel around you, friends, and may you revel in it.
Don’t forget to mark your calendars for our Holiday Craft Show on December 1. It’s going to be a wonderful day.